My daughter was only 21 when she committed suicide. She struggled with a lot of things: bipolar disorder, abandonment issues, addiction, low self-esteem, and night terrors. Her biggest issues were the night terrors (when she could actually sleep) & not being able to turn off the stuff in her head.

The craziest part was her ability to love. Once you were part of her ‘pack’ you were for life, unless you did something terrible to someone she cared about, or to her. She was fiercely loyal & intelligent, she had the same job for 4 years, graduated from high school early, paid her own bills, bought her own car; she was very responsible.

I had become one of, if not the closest to her the last year & a half of her life, and even I didn’t know everything, nor could I do anything more to stop her. I failed her, the mental health system failed her, the insurance company failed her.

It is only through my faith in God that I am still able to get up every day. My daughter spent a lot of her teenage years being mad at God for her grandmother’s death due to an aneurysm 12-years earlier. They were very close and my daughter never got over it. But at the time of my daughter’s death, she had a bible app in her phone that she was studying. She also had a ten commandments coin in her purse. I feel like she made her peace with God, because she knew that my mom was in heaven.

In the years since she has been gone, she has been a very diligent, fun, and an obvious omnipresence. Of course that is what she waited her whole life for … to haunt her loved ones. I don’t mind, I love feeling her with me. I really do miss her more than words can convey.

If you or someone you know has thought about committing suicide, please reach out for help. 

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

No matter what problems you are dealing with, we want to help you find a reason to keep living. By calling 1-800-273-TALK (8255) you’ll be connected to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area, anytime 24/7.

 

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